A Golden Halloween Party
by thewhiskersonkittens
Summary: The girls throw their first Halloween party! One-shot.


**I've always wondered what a Golden Girls Halloween episode would have looked like. This doesn't really have much of a plot; just kind of a little drabble. I do not own The Golden Girls. Thank you for reading/viewing and please leave a review! :)**

A Golden Halloween Party

Rose was in the living room putting the finishing touches on the Halloween party she and the girls were throwing. The living room was decked out in orange and black streamers, pumpkins, fake cobwebs, and all kinds of spooky decorations.

Rose adjusted the deviled egg tray and gave the fruit punch a stir. Soon, Dorothy walked in the living room dressed in her costume, the bride of Frankenstein.

"Hi, Dorothy!" Rose cheerfully greeted her friend.

She took in Dorothy's costume. Dorothy was wearing a long white sleeveless dress. Her arms were wrapped in bandages. Her face was powdered white and she had painted on stitches across her neck and forehead. She completed the look with black lipstick and a black beehive wig with white streaks.

"Dorothy, the guests are going to be here any minute! You better go put on your costume!" Rose joked.

She cracked herself up and began to slap her knees in amusement. Dorothy stood, arms crossed, and giving Rose the death stare. When Rose finally quit laughing, she quickly composed herself when she saw how Dorothy was glaring at her.

"Yeah, that's real funny, Rose," Dorothy said. "And who are you…your old cow Betsy?!"

Rose looked down at her costume. She was in a one-piece jersey cow costume with udders and a tail. Her blonde hair was covered up by a hood with a cow's face and horns. Rose smiled and went to sit down on the wicker couch.

"Oh, Dorothy," Rose said. "I never had a cow named Betsy. Her name was Chelsea," Rose was fondly remembering her favorite farm animal when suddenly she remembered:

"But then we had to change her name to Stumpy. After an unfortunate combine accident."

Dorothy walked over and sat down next to Rose on the couch and patted her knee.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry. That sounds…so tragic," Dorothy said but she turned her head and rolled her eyes. She could care less. Dorothy looked at the coffee table and saw all the delicious looking appetizers. She reached over and picked up a pinwheel and popped it in her mouth.

"Oh, wow, you did a great job on all these appetizers, "Dorothy complimented.

Rose beamed. "I'm so excited! I've never thrown a Halloween party before. My parents didn't believe in Halloween. They never let me go trick-or-treating. They always told me it was the "devil's holiday"."

"So, what did you do every year on Halloween, Rose?" Dorothy asked. She knew the answer was going to be silly and as usual Rose did not disappoint.

"We'd dress up as people from the Bible and pass out New Testaments instead of candy," Rose replied. She switched to a serious tone said: "But then, every year, on November 1st, it was the strangest thing…we'd wake up and find eggs smashed all over our house and toilet paper strewn all over the yard!"

Rose looked as if she couldn't possibly understand why such a thing happened.

Dorothy stared back at her friend and wondered how someone could be so incredibly dense.

"You know, I heard Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker have that same, strange problem the day after Halloween, too," Dorothy casually replied.

Rose nodded but Dorothy could see the gears grinding in Rose's head as if she was trying to process whether that was true or not.

"Well, everything looks wonderful, Rose," Dorothy said changing the subject. "You really out-did yourself."

"You don't think it's too much?" Rose asked, indicating all the decorations. "I really wanted everything to look nice even though I know it will be a pain to clean up later."

Dorothy touched Rose's shoulder. "Oh, don't worry about that, honey. Blanche and I will help clean up."

As if on cue, Blanche sauntered down the corridor and into the living room.

"Well, girls, what do ya think?!" Blanche's Southern accent sing-songed.

Dorothy and Rose turned to look. Blanche stood in the living room entryway posing in a sexy off-the-shoulder French maid costume. She wore fishnet stockings, black pumps and white lace gloves. The frilly maid's hat sat upon her short brunette hair. In her left hand, she carried a feather duster. Blanche giggled and did a little spin.

"Well?" Blanche prompted. "Do I look ready to…dust Ted's nightstand?" She was referring to her date that was coming to the party.

Dorothy gave Blanche her normal "are you kidding me?" look. Rose just blankly stared and smiled. As usual, the innuendos were completely lost on her.

"Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll fluff _your_ pillows, Blanche," Dorothy dryly joked.

Blanche laughed and waved her off.

"You look great, Blanche," Rose said. She nodded toward the French maid outfit. "But isn't that skirt a little too short?"

"Too short? Why, no, darlin', this is how a French maid costume is supposed to look." Blanche said as she took a seat in the wicker chair next to the couch.

"Please," Dorothy retorted. "If it got any shorter it would be a shirt!"

Blanche laughed. "You're just jealous of my amazingly toned legs, aren't you, Dorothy?"

She stuck out one of her legs and admired them. Dorothy sighed and rolled eyes. The phone rang and Rose jumped up to get it.

"That might be Miles," Rose said. "I'll take it in the kitchen."

Only a second later did they hear Rose scream from within the kitchen.

Blanche looked alarmed but Dorothy wasn't fazed.

"MA!" Dorothy yelled. "Quit doing that!"

Sophia pushed open the kitchen door and walked in the living room. She took off her Jason hockey mask and was laughing heartily. In her right hand she held a fake chef's knife. She was wearing her usual nightgown.

"Are you kidding?! It's a riot!"

Sophia walked over and sat down next to her daughter.

Dorothy looked at Blanche. "She's been doing this all day. First, she did it to me when I got out of the shower. Then she did it to the paper boy. Then she did it to the ninety-six-year-old who lives down the street, Mrs. Steinfeld."

"Oh, please," Sophia interjected. "Mrs. Steinfeld loved it. She got a kick out of it!"

"You hid in the back seat of her car and almost gave her a heart attack!" Dorothy cried.

Blanche stifled a laugh while Sophia simply shrugged.

"Hey, I did everyone a favor," Sophia said. "At ninety-six, you really shouldn't be driving anyway."

Rose poked her head out from the kitchen door.

"Dorothy, it's your date on the phone,"

Dorothy got up and followed Rose into the kitchen.

Sophia took in Blanche's costume.

"So, what are you…the slutty version of Molly Maids?"

Blanche's jaw dropped but she never took anything the old woman said too personally. She laughed and waved her off.

"Oh, Sophia!" Blanche pretended to swat her with the duster. "I happen to know a French maid is one of Ted's most personal fantasies."

"A lot guys have that fantasy," Sophia said. "Even my Sal did. That's why I never hired a cleaning lady. I knew the beds wouldn't be the_ only_ thing that got made."

Dorothy walked back in the living room looking dejected. She sighed as sat back down on the couch.

"What's wrong, pussycat?" Sophia asked.

"Oh, that was Dave. He says he won't be able to make it to the party. He was supposed to be my Frankenstein. Now I'm stuck looking ridiculous."

Dorothy crossed her legs and rubbed her forehead in frustration.

"Hey, don't worry," Sophia said. "Your Frankenstein is out there, pussycat. You know, your other half. Your special someone."

Dorothy smiled and took Sophia's hand in hers and gave it a pat.

"Thanks, Ma. That's sweet of you to say."

A beat passed between them and Sophia added:

"Besides, you've looked way more ridiculous than this before. Remember that time you were really into Jane Fonda tapes and you wore the spandex leotard and tights? I'd never seen so many rolls before! I bet you've got more rolls than the bakery! I bet…"

"ALL RIGHT, MA!" Dorothy yelled.

She angrily let go of Sophia's hand. Sophia quickly shut up and Dorothy shifted away from her. After all their years together, Dorothy should have known her mother never said anything nice to her without tacking on some scathing criticism. Yet, Dorothy fell for it every time. Sophia was a downright pain in the butt to live with, but Dorothy loved the mean old broad like crazy.

"Dorothy, honey," Blanche chimed in. "Don't worry about ol' what's-his-name. There will be plenty of men coming to the party!"

Blanche's comment made Dorothy realize something.

"You were the one who sent out the invitations, right, Blanche?"

Blanche nodded excitedly. "I went through my little black book and sent everyone in there an invite."

"Don't you mean address book?" Dorothy asked.

Blanche paused for minute and thought. Her face lit up in delight when she realized her error.

"Oh my gosh, what did I just say?! Did I say 'little black book'?!"

Blanche started laughing. Dorothy and Sophia exchanged knowing glances at each other. All of their party guests were going to be men thanks to Blanche.

"Oh, well. The more, the merrier!" Blanche chirped.

After a while, the party got underway. As predicted, all the guests were men. Miles came as a farmer to go with Rose's cow and Blanche's date, Ted, came as a bellhop. Dorothy spent the evening passing out candy to the neighborhood trick-or-treaters who came the door. Occasionally, a dud of a guy would hit on Dorothy.

"Hey, baby, I'm Frank. And you are?..." A man in a cheap vampire costume said to Dorothy.

"Not interested, Dracula. But if you look around I bet Elvira is here someplace. Chow."

A party-goer screamed and Dorothy had to yell at Sophia again to quit scaring the guests.

The doorbell rang and Dorothy opened the door. Stan was standing there dressed as a zombie.

"Hiya, snookums, how's it going?" Stan asked, attempting to be smooth as always.

"Just fine, cupcake, thanks for asking," Dorothy sweetly replied.

She threw a handful of candy corn in his face and slammed the door. Predictably, Stan rang the doorbell again. Knowing her ex-husband could never take a hint, Dorothy let him in.

"You're so funny, babe. That's what I always liked about you." Stan joked as he walked in.

"Save it, Stanley. What are you doing here? And shouldn't you be doing something about that?"

Dorothy pointed to the grisly fake open head wound makeup on Stan's forehead. Stan laughed her off. Dorothy turned and went into the kitchen to get more appetizers and Stan followed behind her.

Dorothy busied herself with the appetizers while Stan prattled on about something stupid. At first, Dorothy didn't get why Stan kept coming around bothering her. Then she realized he still loves her and always will. She knew a part of herself would always love him but what they had was over. Dorothy just never could seem to get that through Stan's thick, balding head.

"Dorothy, where's your date?" Stan asked as he nibbled on some Ritz crackers.

"Not that it's any of your business, Stanley, but he called and cancelled."

"Oh, wow," Stan scoffed. "What a loser! What kind of guy blows the chance to be with someone like you, babe?"

Dorothy stopped what she was doing and gave Stan her famous stare. He laughed nervously when he realized what he just said was so hypocritical.

From underneath the table where Stan was standing, a hand reached out and grabbed his ankle. Stan let out a high pitched scream and jumped back. He hid behind Dorothy as Sophia crawled out from under the table. She flipped up her Jason mask and was laughing so hard tears were forming in her eyes.

"Sophia!" Stan cried.

"I don't care what you say, Dorothy, this is the most fun I've had in years!" Sophia exclaimed. She turned to look at Stan and said:

"I always knew you were a yutz, Stan, but now we can add "a wuss who screams like a girl" to the list!"

Stan looked at Dorothy silently asking her if she was going to do something about her crazy mother.

Dorothy only smiled and shrugged. "She's not wrong, Stanley."

Sophia looked at Stan's costume. "What are you supposed to be?"

"I'm a zombie, Sophia," Stan told her matter-of-factly.

"Great," Sophia replied. "Maybe you'll get finally get some brains after all!"

With that, Sophia left the kitchen. Dorothy and Stan followed her and rejoined the party.

The party came to close around 10 p.m. The girls thanked everyone for coming and began to clean up.

"Our first ever Halloween party was a success!" Rose happily commented as she gathered up all the dirty dishes.

"Maybe, it was for you, Nylund," Blanche whined.

She wiped down the coffee table and added: "All night, I tried to get Ted alone and he just wouldn't budge. What do you suppose is wrong with that man? Nobody turns down Blanche Devereaux!"

"You know, that should be your slogan," Dorothy said. She was standing on a step stool taking down the streamers. "Blanche Devereaux's maid service: "She'll turn down your bed but she won't turn down you!"

Rose giggled and Blanche shook off Dorothy's joke. Sophia sat in the wicker chair sipping a cup of punch. The Jason mask lay in her lap.

"Maybe he just wasn't into the maid fantasy after all," Sophia suggested.

"What do you think he'd like?" Blanche asked.

For a minute nobody could think up anything. Finally Dorothy said: "Well, what other costumes do you have in your closet?"

Blanche gave it a thought and said: "I have so many to choose from! I've got a policewoman, a schoolgirl, a can-can dancer…I've got a devil _and_ an angel...ooh! I know! I've got a nurse costume! Yeah, a nurse costume always does the trick!"

Excited, Blanche ran to her room to go find the nurse costume. Rose and Sophia watched Blanche disappear and then they looked at Dorothy, wondering how she knew the Southern belle had a variety of costumes in her closet.

Dorothy shrugged. "It was just a hunch."

Rose and Sophia nodded.

**The End.**


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